less calories

I love the Caf. I eat far more than your average man. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that I eat more caf food than anyone on the ultimate team, and, I’d be willing to bet the farm that I eat more caf fish than anyone. About a week ago, I was treated to my first ever haddock square sandwich and damn was it tasty. How it happened that I’d never had one of those succulent four-sided sangys? God only knows. That sandwich was sooo good, that it reminded me of my other favorite caf meal: sea strips. Now I know you haters out there are like, “what the fuck is crob talking about?” To that I say: you are all idiots with severely unrefined pallets; Sea Strips are mouth-wateringly delicious, and I yearn for them like shaq-turd yearns for attention. But tastes aside, sea strips are great for another reason: they’re made from mostly fish, and fish as you know has fewer calories (Body pay attention). Fewer calories means that even though I eat my weight in sea strips every 3 weeks (and eat a shit ton of caf fish on a regular basis) I am still able to maintain my David-like figure and cheetah like speed. Cheetah characteristics are essential on the field, but many of us are lacking. We all know Body is a fat piece of shit, but it doesn’t have to be like that, or he that overweight. He could trim down, shape up and become the nimble stud we all hoped he’d be. Impossible you say? Not on the Sea Diet! Just look at me and zilla. Why are we so fucking good? Gee..I dunno…oh wait, yes I do.

I proclaim the key to fitness, and subsequent success of jive turkeys ultimate, is the sea strip. If we wanna make regionals, dietary changes are in order. Florida? Yeah they’re pretty good at ultimate…It’s also a fucking peninsula. Coincidence? Guess again hombre. So do us all a favor, fatties, and eat as many sea strips as your bloated bellies can handle.